Nothing as sad as being single in Maseno. It’s tough. Like really tough. I remember one time back in march at this local joint called Red Liquor in Maseno. I was getting treated to a few shots and a beer by my friend Chris when mash, our friend walked in.
I had borrowed some cash from Mash. 1500 shillings and I was broke as hell and unable to pay. So naturally I was looking for a way to dodge . I had to make a break for it.
Unfortunately, he saw me before I could make the risky drunk escape and called me out. I acted as though I never heard him call me but Chris, who was oblivious to our financial agreement tugged my hand and pointed towards Mash who was advancing towards me with a “not-so-pleased-with-you-but-i-want-to-talk” face.It was late. I sat back but I did it unwillingly waiting for Mash’s arrival.
He was breathless and looked real tired, so I started to preemptly list all the problems I could think of; The HELB money is yet to reach my account, I’m yet to get paid from that gig recently did, my mom is ailing so I’m the one supporting her, my nightmares are really depressing my ass, I’m paying for that TALA loan I took in high school to increase my credit score and Kenya is so corrupt and so forth.Mash told me how he wasn’t interested in all that and there’s no hurry with that money I owe him. That I could keep it and hell even add me 2000 shillings if I accepted to help him out real quick.
‘’My girlfriend is on her way here. I told her I was here with you.’’I was now confused.”Why is your girlfriend coming here on a Monday at 4pm?’’
Mash wasn’t peaceful. Dude was talking hurriedly and in a restless manner.
“Yes man, listen, FOCUS bro, she found a folder in my laptop”
“Bro, that’s some dope stuff. Not everyday people get by your laptop and see those amazing projects of yours without your supervision bro.’’
“It’s a folder full of PORN’’ he hesitated “I told her that I lent you my laptop for a night and that you added the contents in the folder and forgot to delete.”
I couldn’t just believe whatever I heard coming out of Mash’s mouth.
“Sorry man, you’re the first person I thought of that could save my ass.
I pointed to Chris who had been keenly listening to our encounter jaws dropped.
“Bro, he doesn’t fit the profile.”
“Come on bro, she won’t believe me if I told her its Chris”
“Why?’
“Yeah, why?” fat Chris was not happy.
“Because he doesn’t look like someone who consumes porn bro?” I said sarcastically
Bro, I was just sitting there drinking my free drunks in peace a few moments ago!
I looked at Mash and just as I was clearing my throat to give him a piece of my mind, I heard her girlfriend at the entrance of the club. She wasn’t anywhere close to happy. The way she was shouting. Hell, even people from Mombasa are not that loud.
As soon as Chris saw Imelda, he went deep into his pocket, got his air pods and pretended that he wasn’t part of the discussion.
Mash was shivering next to me, pinching me on my back whispering “Brocode Konzolo…..brocode”
Man, which brocode? Which brocode?
Fuck that shit. Imelda didn’t come alone. She came with Caren-who I had set my eyes on and we were in that awesome talking stage. We had been to a date and even partied together sometime back.
Imelda looked scary in that wig of hers. Her fury was on another level. I panicked. I said the first thing that came to my mouth
“Imelda, the content on that folder are mine and I’m sorry I forgot to delete them.”
She was busy switching the laptop as I talked.
“Oh Yeah! You know I was always suspicious with you.” She looked at me with her eyes squinted “So you like fucking animals? Its your thing and its been like that all along?”
I don’t understand where that came from.
She played one video from that folder and was shouting “You fucking wierdo”
I watched the video. Women and dogs. BESTIALITY!!!Fuck Mash! What did I do to deserve this?”
“So, this is what you meant when you said you love dogs? Why you wanted that German Shephard?” Caren joined in “Now I get why you don’t have a girlfriend and you’re not even close to getting one and you’re turning 25!”
“Its 23….I am 22” I whispered helplessly.
It was all I could do at that particular time.
Everyone in the club and the neighboring ones was there looking at the video and murmuring while pointing at me.
The DJ had switched off the music. They looked at me like the weirdo I was.
“Babe, don’t be that hard on him “he started. “He’s been getting help. He’s been registered at the guidance and counselling department.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. I turned to look at Caren. Her face was wrought with disgust. I tried to whisper again but my throat was dry. I picked my keys and left the club ingeniously.
As I left, I heard Imelda say:“Macharia, pick good friends next time.”This fool wasn’t even called Mash after all.
