Fuck. Once you get that feeling, you just know it’s time. You try to ignore it – but you can’t. Sometimes you even start to convince yourself that things will improve in time – they won’t. Truth is, it’s too late for all that.
Breakups can be healthy. There will always be some toxic separations that you can’t avoid – we definitely all have at least one of those; however, breakups don’t always need to be dreaded. You can view the end of a relationship similar to a change in direction. We are fluid beings – continuously evolving, shifting, and transitioning. Some partners will make it through all the levels of you, and others may not. It’s important to understand and appreciate who you were when you met that person and who you are when you leave that person – that is the healthiest way to process how that relationship impacted you. Whether it be a positive impact or a negative one, every relationship will shape you in some way.
The next stage after the breakup is the “fun” part that isn’t fun at all. CLEAN MEAT STEAK. CUT IT. SLICE IT. CHOP IT. Whatever you have to do in order to move forward and not fall back into the whirlpool of emotional history… DO THAT SHIT. I will never say it’s impossible for a past relationship to work out later in life, but IF that is to even happen, you will still need a period of space and personal growth to even allow it. It’s so easy to turn back and want to try again with a past partner because of comfort and the extreme discomfort that comes with being without them – but this period is almost like being “love sober”. You will have some relapses; some side effects; maybe even weeks of sadness. You’ll be fine. Trust me, you WILL be fine.
After some time and much needed healing, you’ll have to ability to look back and reflect on that relationship in its entirety. It’s far too difficult to effectively do this part while you’re still in your feelings. Now you have the space to evaluate your own actions within that relationship – the good and the bad. Were you entirely happy? Did you feel comfortable? Did you change your values at any point? What did you overlook for “love”? This is the healthy part. These questions and more are what you need to answer OUTSIDE of the relationship. Love really is blind; so you can’t see any of this shit while in it – don’t even bother. Breakups can be healthy. You need to be honest with yourself and don’t let your heart overstay its welcome with anyone it shouldn’t.
